Do Vaccines Cause Autism?

by

Our crack team of scienticians have investigated. Read on for the full report.

Q: Do vaccines cause autism?

A: No. Total crap. And while we’re at it, here are five more things that don’t cause autism:

1. Pirates

2. iPods

3. Television

4. Gnomes

5. Jesus

23 Responses to “Do Vaccines Cause Autism?”

  1. Lone Wolf Says:

    Lier! Lier, lier, lier, lier!
    The iPods summon the Gnomes who invade your house through the Television and go into children’s rooms and sprinkle autism! And they are lead by Jesus, who is a pirate! There are countless scientific studies that prove that but the pirates won’t allow them to be published!
    Damn you Flying Spaghetti Monster! Why must you ruin people lives!!!!!1111!!!

  2. GimpyEstrada Says:

    I defy you to prove that gnomes do _not_ cause autism. Oh, can’t do it? Well then gnomes=autism. Case closed.

  3. JonMcSkeptic Says:

    The evidence is overwhelming, however, that water that has not been distilled and de-ionized after ideated succussion causes not only autism, but an incessant itch underneath the left pinky toe.

  4. Plastic Says:

    I’ll buy that pirates do not cause autism. Ninjas on the other hand… You can’t trust thase sneeky bastards

  5. Codswallop Says:

    I would like to point out the demonstrable link between Jesus and television. Every time I see another one of those UFO shows on the so-called History channel, the first words out of my mouth are “Jesus Christ.”

    Is that evidence, or just an anecdote?

  6. Michael Says:

    Of course they don’t cause autism because the internet causes autism. Didn’t you notice that the “rise” in autism perfectly correlates with the rise of the Internet? Coincidence? I think n–err, don’t answer that.

  7. Darkwinter Says:

    @Codswallop:

    If it happened more than once, it’s evidence!

  8. rise in autism vaccines Says:

    [...] have … Didn??t you notice that the ???rise??? in autism perfectly correlates with the …http://crapbasedmedicine.wordpress.com/2008/05/22/do-vaccines-cause-autism/Autism Cases Rise Despite Vaccine Change – Study Autism Change VaccineStudy: Calif. autism Cases [...]

  9. Wicked Lad Says:

    I don’t believe a word of this blog. Until it has more…
    ¡¡¡- Fonts
    ¡¡¡- Colors
    ¡¡¡- CAPITAL LETTERS and
    ¡¡¡- Exclamation points!!!!!!!!!
    …it’s simply not credible.

  10. Elizabeth Says:

    Not true. Vaccines do cause autism.

  11. Nick Says:

    Of course vaccines cause autism. Government scientists are also highly suspicious of gnomes as well. And in particular, it has been suggested by Wakefhony and others that in gnomes themselves that have been vaccinated, the incidence of Autism is 100%.

  12. Artoo45 Says:

    Gnomes! What piffle. Elizabeth knows best. She graduated at the top of her class at the exquisitely accredited Chopra Universe(ity) in La Jolla. Her post grad studies in Medicineology were channeled directly into her Thetan™ by L. Ron Hubbard who currently resides in the Van Allen belts. She is the founder of Doctor Elizabeth’s Kure-All Klinic™ in Ensenada. Yes Liz, everything you say on the internets is automatically true. Vaccines do cause autism. No, really. They do.

  13. Foster Disbelief Says:

    It doesn’t surprise me that the gnomes are causing autism. They’ve been looking to take us out for a while now. You can see it in their sneaky little eyes.

    On a related note, Cell Phonse cause brain cancer! Someone who looked and sounded important told me so, so it must be true.

  14. Stefan Says:

    Isn’t it funny that people only grow skeptical of something and start putting up the barriers only when their preconcieved notions aren’t challenged? I’ve written an article related to Israel that got 10,000 views in a day. Article about an expose of FrankenCain and Brooks Brother gets less than half that for all time. It’s the power of telling people what they want to hear. It’s why new age groups and scientology are so successful, even though the heads of these groups can look criminal at times. And that’s why the American people will get owned by Obama, who gets more hawkish and Bush-like policywise by the day.

    Read my article on the mercury-vaccine-autism link, with the links to the cdc and fda and Illinois EPA admitting on their own websites that there is mercury in the vaccines and that it is a potent neurotoxin, then read this. And of course a reader posted an article debunking mine, in his view, which you can read, put alongside mine, and make a decision on.

    http://warofillusions.wordpress.com/2008/07/27/the-abbreviated/

  15. someguy Says:

    A: Mercury is a potent neurotoxin – check
    B: Mercury based preservatives used to be in vaccines – check
    C: Mercury based preservitives were removed from vaccines – check
    D: Autism rate significantly dropped soon after, confirming hypothesis – fail
    E: Autism linked to Mercury based preservitives – fail
    D: Autism linked to vaccines – no evidence to suggest so

  16. Jim D Says:

    You want to know what probably causes autism?

    Watch the program NOVA on PBS.

    Ghost in your genes

    http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/genes/

  17. smersh Says:

    OK, if you’re so smart, what about watching TV on your iPoD ?? More research is desperately needed.

    And if that doesn’t work…try watching TV shows on your iPoD beside a gnome who is being crucified….

    And if that doesn’t work…..

  18. Amanda Hugginkiss Says:

    So a vaccine to prevent autism would cause more autism? How about a vaccine that would give people autism, therefore curing autism?

    Obviously we need billions of dollars worth or more research, but I’ve got a hypothesis that no one on pirate ships had autism. Or arrrrrrrtism.

  19. How to Get Six Pack Fast Says:

    The style of writing is quite familiar to me. Have you written guest posts for other bloggers?

  20. HolisticGuy Says:

    There are many studies showing a modest to substantial link btw. vaccines and various neurological disorders including autism.

  21. ITS NOW OBVIOUS Says:

    AUTISM CAUSES VACCINES!!!!!!

  22. medical news, medical students, medical forums, medicine, clinical trials Says:

    medical news, medical students, medical forums, medicine, clinical trials…

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  23. Seathrun O Coileain Says:

    Why hasn’t anyone stated the obvious? Homeopathy is clearly the cause for autism. Studies show that autism rates are increasing over time. The longer the universe is in existence, the more molecules our precious water contacts. Since water has an intrinsic memory of it’s contact with all substances, and becomes very dilute as it moves through the water cycle of evaporation and precipitation (and we all know that the more dilute it is the more potent the effects), the cumulative dilution of water over time is clearly the cause of autism, as well as many other health problems of modern society. We need to stop diluting our water! The more we purify and clean our water supply, the more potent the homeopathic effects of all the substances in the universe become! If we keep allowing water to evaporate and precipitate, pretty soon we’ll all drop dead with a single drink of water!

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