Crap-Based Medicine

Homeopathy Never Looked So Good

Dr. Phil Theelier, Q.D. — Sun, 13 Feb 2011 09:00:37 +0000

To argue against the clinical evidence of homeopathy is laughable. MU HA HA ha ha ha HA HA!!

Just ask homeopathy’s most eloquent, cogent, and brightest voice of reason – BANDERSHOT! He is homeopathy’s de-facto leader via the internet – and homeopathy never looked so good!

Snake Oil is NOT Quackery!!!

Dr. Phil Theelier, Q.D. — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 01:22:01 +0000

It is good to have me back, once again gracing the pages of this auspicious peer-reviewed blog. Enough chit-chat, I must get back to servicing humanity. So follow your doctor’s orders and visit this website singing the praises of our most modern-day Snake Oil Salesman. And If I might remind you, he recommends his treatments for autism. And as he will educate you … snake oil is NOT quackery!! So back up skeptics, sit down, and close your mouths … forever.

Bump Bump … Bump Bump …

Dr. Phil Theelier, Q.D. — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 00:16:07 +0000

A heartbeat? Is it possible this blog might be coming back to life?

Jenny McCarthy’s Crap-Based Hypocrisy

Dr. Sexy, M.D. — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 18:49:46 +0000

My apologies for my long absence from Crap-Based Medicine. I spent that time coming to terms with how Jenny McCarthy could say this:

Mercury is the second worst neurotoxin on the planet, and that’s a fact. Get it out of our shots!

and then this:

I love [the possibly first worst neurotoxin on the planet injected into my fucking face], I absolutely love it. I get it minimally, so I can still move my face. But I really do think it’s a savior.

Jenny McCarthy, you’re a fucking idiot.

Quantum Touch

Dr. Sexy, M.D. — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 01:27:36 +0000

Here’s an idea. Let’s say you come up with a bullshit con that only requires you to wave your sweaty, hairy palms over someone’s bum knee before you declare their energies healed and charge them $500. Let’s say you call it “Therapeutic Touch.” Let’s say an 11-year old proves that you’re full of shit. WHAT DO YOU DO?

You put the word “quantum” in the name and continue as planned. Future endeavors include: quantum bloodletting, quantum homeopathy, quatum crap-based medicine.

Magnet Therapy: Does it Work?

Dr. Sexy, M.D. — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 02:10:12 +0000

Do magnets affect the iron in your blood, increasing circulation and bettering your health? Well, tell me this:

The last time you got an MRI, did the enormous magnets tear all the blood out of your stupid body?

No?

CRAP-BASED MEDICINE.

Do Vaccines Cause Autism?

Dr. Sexy, M.D. — Thu, 22 May 2008 01:32:27 +0000

Our crack team of scienticians have investigated. Read on for the full report.

Q: Do vaccines cause autism?

A: No. Total crap. And while we’re at it, here are five more things that don’t cause autism:

1. Pirates

2. iPods

3. Television

4. Gnomes

5. Jesus

Crap-Based Mailbag

Dr. Sexy, M.D. — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 02:31:05 +0000

Nothing Sacred Says:
April 17, 2008 at 2:12 am

Can we give suggestions? I found this crap today: http://www.advancedhealthplan.com/ Why is it that the alternative health people who supposedly have all the answers have the crappiest websites?

The answer to your first question is: yes. The answer to your second question is complex and must be answered in stages. Stage 1 is an intensive study to determine the veracity of the assumption behind the question. The results of this study (conducted by the Crap-Based Medicine team) follow.

Oh Dear, an Update.

Dr. Sexy, M.D. — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 13:37:13 +0000

It has come to our attention that readers are demanding updates to Crap-Based Medicine. On behalf of my esteemed colleagues, I’d like to point out that crap-based medicine in general has been updated very little in the past several centuries, so why should you expect any different?

Wait. That’s not true.

Now you can stick it right on your stupid forehead.

Skullduggery!

Dr. Phil Theelier, Q.D. — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 15:01:48 +0000

All you need pounded into your thick skull is this: “Phrenology is a true science, which is there to benefit humanity.” (click here)